Parenthood And Our Illusion Of Control

Well after all the hubbub on Facebook about how amazing "Parenthood" is, I had to see for myself. However, I cannot begin a new show in its 3rd season, so I began watching season 1 episode 1 a couple of weeks ago. They had me hooked at the pilot. And I'm now well into season 2. Hoping to catch up soon to real time.

I enjoy the show's writing. I believe they paint a pretty accurate portrayal of many of the characters. The most realistic couple is Adam and Kristina. I enjoy, for once, watching a show where the husband isn't an idiot, but actually loves and respects his wife and disciplines his children.

I'm sure each person who watches relates to someone or some couple in the show. I relate to Kristina (although Sarah is a reminder of who I could have been if not for the grace of God and His intervention). I'm a stay at home mom, with a loving husband and fabulous, yet challenging, children, so the relationship between Kristina and Max (their 9 year old son with Aspergers) is most endearing.

You see, I have a son who has exhibited some odd behaviors since he was two years old. I have watched him struggle to control his impulses (yelling, hitting, repeating words or phrases ad nauseam, flipping toys over and over). He has an amazing ability to recall and memorize details and repeat them with great precision. He needs routine and struggles when its disrupted. After seven years of consulting with pediatricians, a GI specialist, and an endocrinologist, we were referred to Vanderbilt for a psychological evaluation. I inwardly wanted a diagnosis, even if it was Aspergers. I was ready once and for all to know what we were up against and begin working to help my sweet boy.

His "diagnosis" came back as Anxiety Disorder. Really?? Not Aspergers? I challenged our psychologist on this diagnosis. But she explained that while yes, he has some "quirky" behavior that can seem in line with an Aspergers diagnosis, he was not autistic. Ugh, I thought. What I'm I supposed to do with an Anxiety Disorder? It's so broad and there's no simple "fix." I had convinced myself that while an Aspergers diagnosis would be difficult, I was ready to tackle it. I wanted to read the books, put into practice the methods, hire a behavioral therapist, but what was I going to do with this new challenge? I know this all sounds absurd. Why would I want anything to be wrong with my son? Because I needed to feel as if I could fix something. As long as there was something wrong, there was something I could do, right?

Now we know, he has anxiety. After letting the news settle, its plainly obvious. We have begun to take the steps to help him. Its no easy fix. Its painful to watch him struggle. While he cannot be easily labeled and "fixed" there are things we can do to encourage, lend stability and provide an environment he can function in.

I have shared this because I empathize with Kristina. I want to be her friend. I want to jump into the screen and have coffee with her. I want to share with her, hope. Jesus. She and I are very similar. We both want to help our children. We feel crushed when we can't. We both live with the illusion we are in control.

However, Scripture shatters that belief. It reminds me that God is in control. Hebrews says, "Now in putting everything in subjection to him, he left nothing outside his control."

God has put me as authority over my children, in order that they may see God. That they may see the love of God and trust Him. But God is my authority, His Word is my authority. I have been entrusted with precious gifts to shepherd, protect, provide for, and love unconditionally, but I cannot do any of that without understanding that, in Jesus, all of the above has been done for me so that, I can, with grace,parent my children.

Colossians 1:16-17, says, "For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities-all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together."

My temptation is to believe I am in control. I must constantly acknowledge my unbelief, that God is in control and I am not. I must constantly recognize that I live in an illusion of control.

"Often I go through the motions of acknowledging you on the outside, but on the inside, especially in times of fear and threat, I shift my trust from you to me—and it never works out well. I grieve this illusion of control and self-sufficiency, and I ask you to free me from my unbelief and orphan-like fears." - A prayer from Scotty Ward Smith, The Gospel Coalition